Caught up with yourself



Finding me…

I would like to take the time to introduce myself to myself

Show myself the strengths and confidence that exists

Reveal all the secrets, fears and doubts and begin to tell the truth to myself

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And even as I throw all these skeletons out…I look forward to learning other things myself forgot to mention when I was introducing myself to myself….


Sometimes I get lost…

In my own thoughts…

In my fears…

In my dreams…

In my happiness…

I sometimes take a step forward and then realize I am at the same place tomorrow-

Because my body moved, but not my mind

I’ve come to realize my mind has a lot of unresolved issues…

Until then, I’ll forever be…lost

Love held on too tight

It’s a feeling like you have overdosed I think

Like you are all maxed out and have learnt to depend solely on one substance

I guess loving you is my heroine

I have suffocated you with it, not wanting to breathe on my own

I’d move sadness from your face once its in my power

Even if it isn’t I’d try anyway

Loving selfishly, as if I am the only one who exist in your world

But its because only you exist in mine

I’d rip the very heart from my chest and hand it to you if needed it

Sometimes I feel like somehow I already gave it to you

Time and distance play an integral role in my source of happiness

simply because if you are too far away and if it will take a long time before I see you then how can I be happy

I have based my hope, possibilities, love, happiness and reasons upon your decisions

so that’s if you decide to stay

or go

or leave

or love me

any at all

I think I’d lose love because I loved too much, too deeply

I’ve suffocated …

Now I should suffocate

or teach myself to live in a world without Love

without you

without air

Drained 1

Out of many one people

Is that only applied to Africans and Indians?

But what if I am a lesbian

What if I don’t decide to be a lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold a “man

And not even me, my brothers too who are beaten everyday, for holding hands and singing songs

and sometimes it is not even real

Sometimes they are branded for putting a foot on stage in a theater to entertain you

Because I wear a ring on my thumb, I am forced to choose to your beliefs and your choices

As though it is wrong to be me

Freedom of speech? No I choose the freedom to leave

Perfectly love my imperfections

Crysi CubesI am the girl who is afraid of dogs because one nearly bit me once

A girl who cries in the middle of a romantic scene because I wish that is how the world was

A girl who will laugh like crazy and fall to the floor

I get moody, I am that girl who in the blink of an eye refuses to talk to anyone

Yesterday I was dancing but today I just want to be left alone… in the dark maybe

I love snacks, even wished cake and ice cream was a form of medication

I am the girl who writes poems because I feel only then do I really say what I mean

I am the girl who feels relaxed at a beautiful view

I get distracted when I see the lights from a distance on my way home

I day dream a lot, always having a fantasy

I love the idea of love and sharing it should be as easy as breathing

I am the girl who makes friends just by accidentally saying something ‘blond’ out loud

I am a handful I know, I am no where near perfect and that’s ok

Perfection is boring, repetitive, predictable

Everyday is a new day with me because I am learning as I live

and when this girl loves you, if she ever does… You’d wake up everyday feeling like your superman

All I ask in return is for you to accept this girl with her imperfections and her strange ways,

take all this and find a way to love her


Scarred not Broken

Love didn’t hurt me
Rejection did
What really hurt was the absence of what once made my ‘everything’
Letting go of you was not as hard as letting go of what you once gave me
The break up was nothing
But getting up to an empty house was like slitting my wrist
Maybe I loved you too strong.. but how can I love you any at all if not love you good?
loving to my best is the only way I know to love
I won’t apologize for loving you the way I did, You are the fool
You were stupid enough to walk away from a partner who would hide tears to make you happy
Someone who would stand beside you like a rock even when the sand beneath your feet started slipping
I wont hit you, or threaten you or try to seek revenge
You walking away from my love is enough of a punishment

In my own head

I fear silence… it screams the truth

I get into my own head and cause chaos

Forgetting the compliments I got yesterday and replacing them with my darkest fears

I am never safe in my own head

The worst thing is I am not even drunk 

I am dangerous to my own health being sober

Please don’t leave me alone with myself anymore